If no one is there to see it....

...do dogs wag their tails?

My immediate response:    OF COURSE THEY DO!!

The truth is, they probably don't.  Poochie's tail is used to communicate (both positive & negative messages) & if no one is around to look at her tail & receive the message, perhaps it is motionless.  (just like the proverbial soundless falling tree in the woods.)

note to self:  get a "nanny-cam" & find out the truth.
reply to self:  when am I ever gonna have just ONE DOG alone to test this theory?



I have another question for you...

True or False:  You should always let a dog sniff your hand before you pet it.

OMG - ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????  Do you want to get a finger bit off???
BAD, BAD advice to put your hand out for sniffing.
I see people do it all the time.

I have four dogs in my household that would bite you & make you cry first & maybe think about being your friend in 15 or 20 minutes.  (that's four of eight, or, for those of you who suck at fractions, HALF of my dog pack would put a hurt on you if you stuck your hand in their mug in the early minutes of your first meeting.)

If you see a dog you want to pet, I recommend trying this little trick:
Ask the one holding the leash if it's okay.
If you're at a loss for exactly what to say, try this:  "May I pet your dog?"  (I made that up, just now!)

 If they say YES, you can probably trust that Poochie is not timid or fearful & probably won't bite.  BUT really, your next step should be to just ease up quietly, without leaning over Poochie & let her sniff your stinky self, on the leg or ankle or wherever she can reach, with your hands loosely at your side, NOT shoved into Poochie's nose.  Trust me on this.  (You ARE aware that dogs have a good sense of smell, aren't you?  Extrapolate with me here...you probably don't need to leave fingerprints on a dog's nasal passages in order for them to appreciate your scent.)  

Some dogs are very social & exuberant & you will know this right away as they try to tackle you & lick you to death.  With them, just submit to the slobber & love.

Other dogs can be a bit more reserved.  As you sidle up, you should see the tension/curiosity leave Poochie after a few moments (or sometimes longer.  Give her a chance, people, to organize her smell-thoughts) & then it is safe to slowly & softly pet Poochie.  Petting the chest is nice - way better than the head.

Oh & try to avoid that macho man - "I am dominant" - thumping on the dog's side - thing.  Dammit, it pisses me off when people pound on my dogs.

Special Warning:  For the sake of all that is holy, do NOT force your face into a new dog's face.  Keep your face away.  You can lean in for kisses in a few minutes.  Just because Poochie is comfortable with the smell of your hairy legs & pants & enjoys your gentle touch doesn't mean she wants your grill up in hers from the git.

However & having said all of that, if you do suffer a bite from Poochie, come on in to the dermatology office if it's during working hours & for a small fee I'll get you on some antibiotics & try to spare you the lecture.

DISCLAIMER (very serious notes to reader):
I am not a dog trainer, nor do I proclaim to be an expert.
I love dogs more than people on most days.
I have many concurrent dog years worth of experience of what not to do!
Just keep in the back of your mind that I make all of this crap up.

On The Move

Oh yes we are....
Our house is on the market for sale
Share it, talk about it, BUY IT!!!   (please!)

We are living in a duplex with  & 5 dogs that do not fit here very well...too much crowding, protecting, guarding & back talk.

 

Only bringing 3 home with us each night to stay.  The others spend the night at "school."  (MoJo's Backyard.)  We are so blessed to have those amazing  

MoJo's Dog Wranglers 

to help us take care of our most precious fur friends.

Amazing architect, Karin, from Dodstone is designing our new courtyard home & the BFF Dog Ranch.


OMD... dreams coming true!!

Monday: High, Low, & Middle Ground

The birds are chirping wildly, the trees are swaying mildly, & Ditto is digging her 60th consecutive foot of trough through the yard.  Some manner of vermin is on the run!  

Ditto breathes in snout fulls of dirt to focus her efforts & digs with a narrow margin, sometimes going deep rather than long.  Deep enough that only her butt & tail are visible.  Her big sister, Eiyso stands silently over her.  Make no mistake, Eiyso has the watch.  Nothing will happen to her little sister today.  

If the past is a predictor of the future, & I believe it is in this case, anything that is flushed from the earth by that little Jack Russell will be quickly & painlessly killed with a quick snap of the neck.  Within moments, Eiyso will steal the dead thing from Ditto, using her ACTUAL size to overpower Ditto with her perceived giant size, bad-ass big talk & tiny body.  Ditto is a do-er & has a lip on her.  Eiyso is a quiet, sensitive opportunist.  They are an amazing team!

Other Monday news.... 

...the makeover of MoJo's Backyard is well underway.  Thank you Oldfield Construction!

...Sparrow has been eating normal food for 2 1/2 days now.  She puked this morning.  WTH is wrong with my Monkey?  I think she misses her chicken & rice dish that mommy prepares only for her.

...I am meeting our new realtor today.  Sarah Henning, from Keller-Williams.  So excited.... our house should be on the market by the first week in May.   BFF Dog Ranch is moving one step closer to its final phase!!

...Cool weather with potential for high wind today.  Perfection.

...We are nearly all packed & I love my house all tidy with nearly nothing in it.

Chris is going bonkers without his never ending supply of hobbies 

(there’s plenty of work to do, but he finds little joy in CHORES.)

...We are going to miss this house so much. 

...MoJo’s winter coat is nearly ready for plucking.  It always starts with her legs.  When I saw a tuft sticking out on her foot this morning, I grabbed it & it pulled right out.  I gave a triumphant shout of glee.  She ran away and hid under the porch

...my phone just rang.   My best friend, my most kindred spirit, my sister from another mister, won the crap-you-don't-want lottery & got her very own rare form of sarcoma (odds:  four in one million)  Re-thinking this blog's title.  I like:

 "EFF You, Sarcoma."   

Sub-title:  You met your match & you're going down. 

I might be taking a trip soon to be support crew while my girlfriend kicks cancer's ass.

The Trade Offs

Driving behind a big 4x4 that thought the garbage truck was a bus...oh my dogs....EVERY DRIVEWAY was a stop.    But when I eventually got to work, the toilet water was BLUE!!!!  Happy Happy Day!


Crazy Crazy weeks of packing up our junk, trying to get our home ready to put on the market.  BUT, today we meet with the architects to begin plans for our NEW home & the BFF Dog Ranch.

WOOT!! WOOT!!
I love my universe.

the bridges i burn...

...may they light my way.

What a CRAPPY week.

                











The big picture is ~ this has been a devastating week for so many families.  Weather that brought destruction to many lives & changed cities forever.


On a local level, the climate in my life has been tumultuous at best.  (I write this fully aware that my current struggles are NOTHING if not just "normal life" compared to those who have suffered loss of family & property)

" WORTH: Just because you're necessary, doesn't mean you're important."
Some days this sentiment overwhelms my world

We all know about stress -
DIStress

                                         
















  Eustress

be careful what you wish for.

It's ALL stress.

The brain is NOT programmed to distinguish between the two.

I believe I spent most of this past week in tears.











a message to me from the universe:

I have been feeling claustrophobic in my home, at my desk, in my neighborhood.

Me & the GSD ~ TOO MUCH TO DO!!

 I need to get the BFF Dog Ranch up & running.  MoJo's Backyard needs some TLC.  There are so many jack-wagons out there that need to be exposed for the abuse they cause to animals.  

I need weapons training, self-protection training, to get strong & lose 15 pounds, a new wardrobe & don't forget about My five dogs, my husband & both my friends that need some time & attention from me.  ("both my friends"  LOL.  I have THREE friends, thank you very much!)  Don't forget that I have a full time job & Oh, I have been accepted to attend the Citizen's Police Academy.  (I am so excited!)

I must remind myself that these moments are simply the texture in the road to my goal.  I'm still moving toward it...just have to dodge the junk on the way.  Make no mistake, I am looking forward with jump-up-&-down excitement and a smile to every moment of my future.

Seriously, I live in the damn SUNSHINE state!!

If you're not on pinterest, you should be.  It's such a great place to store things you found on the world wide web that you love.  Every attachment that I ... attached... to my blog today was a good find on pinterest.  Go there.  There is so much cool stuff.  you can organize thoughts, pics, ideas & share them & steal junk from others.  It's like a MASS brainstorm session without having to hear the loud annoying voices of ignorant people.

rock on pinterest.  (No wonder I don't have time to get anything done - I spend every minute on pinterest)

Too Much? NEVER!

My hobby, as a young adult, was collecting clowns.  Oh it began innocent (naive) & fun enough.
Bright
Cheerful
Simple with prime colors and smiles.  A few crystal clowns here, a ceramic clown there.
And then it began....

Once you begin a collection - ANY collectable thing - it becomes the easy gift.  Everyone begins to associate you with that THING.  Every gift I received was clown related.

Clown t-shirt, clown garage sale finds, clown jewlry, a crystal bell with the clacker part as a clown.
Knitted clowns.
Eggshell clowns.
Clown slippers.

Over time, my beatific clown groups became edgy, mean, leering.  It got VERY scary.  That's when I started hating clowns.

Still the clowns kept coming.
Framed prints,
(which YES! I hung on the walls.  I don't know why....guilt?)
with shifting jester eyeballs that followed me around the room & watched me sleep.   Aaack!
Those diabolical clowns really started to suck BAD!!

THEN, someone told me about "IT" or was it "THING?" You know, the scary Stephen King novel/movie (I am not a fan of the Horror genre, so I don't know which it was.) Aaack! x 2!!

I had to donate that clown collection to the Salvation Army.  I should have burned it.

I have some better hobbies now - tracing my family history, camping, hiking, photography, cooking, kayaking to name a few.

But my PASSION is dogs.  I love them.  (did you know?)


That has led to people buying & giving to me all things dog.

 I have dog statues, dog cards, dog calendars, dog books, dog prints, dog signs, dog socks, dog jewlry..... and let me tell you something.  Dogs are NOT clowns (in the literal sense) I cannot get enough.  I LOVE every single dog item I have.  The magnets, the pawprints, the paperclips, the clocks - I wouldn't trade any of it for a big chunk of gold.  I love my paw print reading glasses (in black & in brown/multi) & my doggie-themed blankets.
I cherish my doggie coffee mugs as well as my:
dog t-shirts/sweatshirts/pajama pants
dog key chains
dog bottle opener
dog wine stoppers (& paw print wine stoppers, too!)
dog christmas ornaments
dog flip flops
dog throw rugs
dog pillows
dog picture frames
dog potholders
dog dishtowels

I love them ALL!!

I have been told my eyes change when the subject of dogs comes up - I get some sort of light or fire in them.  I burble with excitement & enthusiasm.  Exuberant becomes my name!!  (I am considering Zealot for a middle name!)  Careful, if you bring up the subject of puppies, I may talk & burble so much that spittle will gather in the corners of my mouth & I might pee my pants!

I can't get enough k-9.

So if you have anthing DOG lying around that you want to get rid of, please think of me first!!
Dog is Good.

For Christmas this year I bought myself a dog embroidered barn-style jacket, a gorgeous dog-themed canvas shoulder bag & my husband bought me a ring of gold dog bones & diamonds.  Best holiday EV-UH.

FYI - My birthday is in September & I'm still looking for knitted dogs & dogs made of eggshells!!  woof.

Schmuttz

This is our front door.  Notice the
markings on the glass!

This is one of my car windows. Yes, difficult to see in,
but I do good looking out!!

Hey - know THIS:

 Dog Art on glass has been called PUP-KISSES, WOOFMARKS, 

SLOBBER MARKS, DOG SCHMEAR, SNOT KISSES &

SCHMUTTZ

No matter what you call it, it's gorgeous, right?

Not my dog, Not my car
Not my dog schmear.
(but I wouldn't mind if it was!)

  

And I LOVE LOVE LOVE my world!!!

I fully intend to memorialize each of my dogs' nose prints in a gorgeous piece of jewelry!! Each pendant will be as unique as each dog.    

 I heart my dogs' nose prints & their noses & their snot kisses & their EVERYTHING.